Meh

Dear Diary,

I feel like shit, mostly because of how albert treated my lover. They we're oh so wronged and I may never be able to undo the damage done to them. Let alone the fact of being at her parents house stresses her sooo much.

I don't want us living with either her parents or mine, just because I want her and I to be in total control of what we do and what we would like to do!
I guess the following are my concerns

[2:11 AM] Kitten: #1 Kitten's happiness, and safety. I am scared shitless about if I ever go on unemployment, get fired, get injured, or killed, or just plain can't work anymore that as a couple we won't be able to support ourselves
#2 if something happen for me god forbid at least ill know she'll be taken care of other than one lump sum of cash from my life insurance
3# I know she doesnt like to rely upon ppl outside of herself and myself... so maybe by getting some income through dissability she can contribute and not feel bad about not being able to hold really any work outside the home.
#4 she doesnt want to live with parents and neither do I but I dont see us being able to rely solely upon my income until I get a few minor certifications plus a 2ndary income would help if i ever have to change jobs.
now my worries or rather concerns
I want to make sure I don't pressure her into this even in the slightest
I want to make sure she's completely ok with the lable if it ever comes up

Stress

Trying to get rid of it, when I can't I become apathetic. So IE talking about someone I dislike etc I become apathetic.

By the Gods!

My sweetheart... just did something so amazing when I said my wild times I missed out on...
and she said no, they just haven't happened yet, I responded as long as I never loose you... she said no you never will.
I feel... at ease... I feel relaxed... I feel my heart warming up again from it's cold clotted blood...
and I feel the chains slipping off of me.

God I love you koneko... my koneko.

Restrained

I am still trying to slip out of those chains that bind me...

there's a few things I need to be healed and many things I want.

ick

I don't like trucolors... it was cool when I felt welcomed there... and I don't feel comfortable around ablert, I don't think he cares for me that much.

Kinda stuck in limbo my lover isn't quite mine alone and I don't quite have a master but now for sure I know albert doesn't want me.

I feel sick to my stomach but I will not bitch openly or compalin because I am here because my lover is here.

God she likes to show off here... thats ok I suppose but I dont care about anyone else here except her...

>.< ugh if albert wasn't here I'd have her on a leash and have some fun ;) oh well I can dream.
I feel so alone at this club...

I just spent the last 3 hours outside the shower... working...

I worked to finish a drawing of what was once nothing and then vividly in my mind I recalled exactly my artclass and the napkins and dinner wear and redrew them down to the detail
I think I know why I don't draw nude figures anymore or any people male or female... is because I'd rather leave the human representation out of it because I feel sexually depressed.

ahhh

ahhh after a very nice hot bath/shower and releiveing myself of some stress mmmm I feel sooo good. Imagining and fantasizing about being alone in a house with my lover a house that I own and no one else it was sooo relaxing and omg I felt so inspired my apathy washed away like a flood gate opening and washing away topsoil.

I then next started imagining going online and being completely free to leash her and walk her around a club maybe even for a nude contest as she loves things like that as well mmm that would be so lovely! Ahhh but alas for now it just just a dream.

By the gods I love her so much.

So even though I probably won't be able to relax and alot of things are not right and the way they should be. I don't think I can bring myself to push it and ask for things from her... as albert might get upset which would upset her *sigh*. Oh well one day her and I will be free as she said.