Ugh fucking hate being here in this house with no privacy I miss my townhouse as much as I had to get rid of it. Now I'm in a spot I don't like. I don't like having no privacy even when it comes to cussing free expression around my family is non exhistant. Great people love em to death but no alone time for myself and not a moment to relax.
I already deal with debate after debate at work and have been formally trained in it as well.
Is it too much to be able to relax for an evening and let alone I was so used to walking around any apartment or house I rented/owned au natural it was so relaxing... I miss it along with the sexual freedom that brought.
Now I'm in a place where I have to watch my opinions and beleifs as well as sexual repression due to being bothered about any expression of it at all...
and when I do finnaly have the time to do so friends family or loved ones get in the way. It sucks sounds selfish but it's not because I have never been able to be healed sexually.
Of years of fustration so any more sexual repression or being denied it in anyway makes me feel like shit.
So when I don't have the means to releive any of these fustrations I smoke... which has made it almost sexually releasing in a small small way... and I do mean small it's just a way to get me by something that I enjoy and am not addicted to smoking cigs instead when the burn hits my lungs it helps me deal with my erection or built up tension and I feel myself relax... ahhh sweet nicotine.
I am also very stressed at the moment about moving to my current lover.
So much to get done! So little time! I will elaborate on this later in another blog I feel sleepy too many cigs today and too much foods... maybe I overate XD idk. Oh well fuck it.
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