B

My b day, I dont like really talking about it or making a big fuss over it just because well.
Almost all of my B-day's have been sad because all I tend to remember is heartache revolving around doing everything I was supposed to do for someone and some things.

Yet I have always been stressed around this time. Maybe it's because I was damaged so badly with the fact no matter what I will do I will never be that sexy femm yet masculine self I can naturally be. Every year it gets harder because I dont like drawing attention to myself and thus receiving pity. I know i'm not too broken to be fixed, and even now I skirt around the issues I so wish to releive my mind of that this may not be a safe place for my feelings and to vent.
Oh well here goes (and yes Jesse there will be a part two to this as you deserve it just to write down your thoughts and ease up on them)

Lets see where to begin as I sit here and sip on my Michalobe golden light in a can and smoke my cig.

hmmm

My logical mind wont let me just be free and stop myself from saying anything I might not want others to see but I haven't given this blog out to anyone else nor does anyone know this email address associated with it either. Nor does anyone know I blog.
So finnaly here goes.

Ever since I was little amidst all of my training for ettiqit and damn my spelling oh well this is supposed to be a free form of writing and pure emotion down on paper. So anyways

ever since I was a little child I remember thinking of a life partner well at the time a wife as I was not understanding of being gay nor knew much about it.

when i was very little I was born prematurely to my mother whom tried and tried to conceive and my father worked and worked so I would be born into a very nice house in west st paul.
Nowadays the surrounding assholes have turned it into a little mexico but I digress

I recall fondly being a baby some that don't remember this I dont know what to say other than I am odd.

and even recall being fed oatmeal in a bottle which i didnt like as i was very thirsty at the time and would have preferred milk or water. Anwyays I remember sitting in my room always beign lonely as I was an only child I loved my mother and father very much and grew up with my friend Patrick bray in downtown and west st paul. I was forced into a private school which was very strict as I was not fond of. I hated it... my only form of relaxation was the agony of hiding in my room from my parents and everyone as no one I knew I could get close to and trust.
I was always so worried of it coming back to my parents or myself and harming me educationaly or politically.

My biggest form of relaxing was when I was nude in my room in a little mario lawn chair at the time I was maybe 4 or 5 and unsure how my body worked sexually but I did like relaxing in my bed/room in the buff. oh well i have to go for now I will finish this later as lowe is tping me in sl and requires my assisatance as a friend and good ear. Maybe I can help him find a better job today. I also have to tell JD his chores later and make sure my cell is charged for when my beloved is done working on her house with her current master.